I invited him over tonight. I don't know if that was a good idea or not. My face still sticks with the dried salty tears. I just don't understand.I cannot even tell you the pain and suffering caused when the one you love stands at the door and says "Goodbye" and all you want is for him to come back, and kiss you and touch your face and tell you that 
everyting is going to be okay.
everyting is going to be okay.But obviously, that is not the case. I could not even look at him when he left. I sat there crying on the couch till the tears would no longer come. Till I thought this all just has to be a dream and my hysteria would eventually wake me up.
I feel lied to. For once in my life and a relationship I was able to totally be myself and when I got told "I need to work on myself right now", I felt like all my confidences, all of my personal intimate details were shoved back in my face and trust and self esteem are broken and splintered.
Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently? I just don't see how doing this alone makes any sense. He used to tell me about the time he was in school and how lonely it was for him, and how much pain that cost thim. I can't imagine how this time now would be better?
Where did I go wrong? What could I have done differently? I just don't see how doing this alone makes any sense. He used to tell me about the time he was in school and how lonely it was for him, and how much pain that cost thim. I can't imagine how this time now would be better?Why is it that men see a marriage, and a family as a hindrince? What is that? Jacob talked so much about how the media portrays women as these stick figures and that is why men want that. He told
me one day he asked himself if he really liked skinny chicks or if he liked a womanly body, and in his heart it was the womanly body. So why why would you come home to an empty house every night? Why would you want to struggle all alone? Why does he believe what the media portrays in reference to marrage, when not women?
I don't understand.
me one day he asked himself if he really liked skinny chicks or if he liked a womanly body, and in his heart it was the womanly body. So why why would you come home to an empty house every night? Why would you want to struggle all alone? Why does he believe what the media portrays in reference to marrage, when not women?I don't understand.
I know that I am slowly going to leave the denial and cry stage, and morph into the angry stage. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to be bitter. I just want him.
Everyone keeps telling me that he'll be back. He'll figure out what's wrong with him, and be back. After tonight, I don't think so.
After tonight, I don't think so at all.
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wow. i'm so sorry andrea. you have had to deal with too much of this. you deserve a man that is ready for you. and ready to be your partner and share in what you want in life.
ReplyDeleteBut i feel like the media portrays marriage a bit differently. I feel like they portray it as the answer, the best joy you can have, something you have to do at some point. And i just don't agree. Marriage hardly ever makes a relationship better. It tests your relationship to the brink. (and no, i don't say this with any experience of course, but there is some research to support what i say). I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of marriage. I'm not sure if I want it at all, and I'm not sure whether the times when I do want it are because thats what society says I should want or whether its actually a good idea. I'm torn. But I really do respect you for taking a stand one way or the other. It makes it so much more complicated when you don't know what you want. And THAT i do know from experience. Haha. :)
Fuck him! Dude no one should make you cry like this unless they have died. I love you! He can suck it!
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