It’s amazing how quickly time passes during the summer. I am part of a generation that is always in a hurry. And this summer for me has been no exception.
Jonathan is on his way home. Finally. It had been almost a week since I talked to 
him and I was starting to go a bit crazy. I don’t like the not knowing.
Brittany and I went shopping yesterday for him. He needs a few things for when he comes home. I want to make this a stress free and easy for him. He deserves a lot of relax time.
This is the kind of horse I want someday. A Gypsy Cob. Beautiful stout horses that were bred to be docile and strong. Here is another picture of the coloring I like. I guess they are known for their black and white patches, but I don’t like those colors too much. 
Gosh, they’re sexy. Yes, a sexy horse. I also want to live somewhere like these horses live. The first one is in Ireland (the horses name is Sir Tristan) and the second one is in Colorado. Beautiful. There are many pictures floating around the web of these magical creatures playing in the snow with their long hair and beautiful bodies. Ugh. I need to be independently wealthy.
So if I’m posting pictures of things I like here is an exquisite ring. I like it much more because it is old. It actually is from the art deco period, and not a modern replica. Artdecodiamonds.com has kept me 
wowed for hours and this one was one of the first ones that I happened to see. I love the Tiffany Legacy ring, but this has more history, and the filigree there on the side is so delicate and beautiful, plus this has style and class. And at only $9,000 its a steal. Heh, what do I know? I just think its purdy!
7 months ago I thought I was ready to get married. Right now that is a very scary thought. Its not that Jonathan won’t take care of me or love me or be there for me. He is possibly the best man I have ever dated. I just don’t feel like I’m in a place to even consider that option right now. I want to be the best possible partner I can be, and I still feel like a teenager in many aspects.
My Uncle Roo Roo, or Uncle Richard passed away yesterday. It was hard for us to say Richard as kids so he was dubbed Uncle Roo Roo. He had been suffering from cancer for over a year now. He was at home, where he wanted to be, and he went how he wanted to go. He’s at least not suffering anymore, and I’m sure he’s with his wife of many years Aunt Ann who went a few years before him.
He was always very kind to me. He always had the biggest ears, white hair and smelled of grease and sweat. He was a tinkerer. He owned what we called put put machines that would grind corn into cornmeal and when he was younger he would take them various places and we’d go visit him. I remember one time, back when my Dad and Mom were still together seeing him and Aunt Ann at Knotts.
He let me sit on his lap even though I was too big to do so there for a while, unknown to me his painful back. He was a favorite of mine to visit with. He loved to travel and just last year he spent 4 months in Europe. His house was a marvel for children. There were lots of hidden rooms and clocks that covered every wall. I did not know it then, but my Dad would take up that hobby as well. He grew all sorts of veggies in his back yard and had a compost pile. He was the brother of my Dad’s mother and all 3 of the siblings have the same skin, hair, and teeth. He always took a particular interest in my performing and would make an appearance if he could.
Somehow tempting fate my Grandfather turned 86 today. I called him on the way to work, but he was out at 8:30am walking the dog. Despite his
My Uncle Bob, sitting next to my Mom in purple were raised in a house where you did not step out of line, and the man came home every night and ate and worked and went to sleep. There was no touchy feely stuff in that household. So today when I called him back after work, he told me he loved me 4 times. That is a HUGE thing for him to do I’m sure, but at least he has figured out that it’s one thing you can never say too much. I’ve always been his favorite, I am the only granddaughter left!
Today is also the 4th anniversary of Doris’ death. Pat and Doris lived in the house next door to the one we grew up in. They came out here a young couple in the 1940’s on route 66. They lost their youngest son in Vietnam, and their eldest never married. We became their family. They were as close as grandparents, and I still consider them to be. She was a wonderful lady who taught me many things. To swim, to drink coke syrup when my stomach is upset, how to make strawberry jam, and where the stash of candy was. I think she is the reason now why I pee with the door shut, and I can’t stand it, and can’t go if I know someone can hear me pee. Haha, sorry Doris, that is not your only legacy. You were a wonderful lady, mother, wife and adopted Grandma.
She slipped into dementia not long before the cancer started to eat away at her body. By the time they went to the doctors it was too late. My last memory of her is sitting in their den, dark in the summer to keep it cool, Doris slipping in and out of consciousness in one of her chairs. She was in a zip up robe, her hair disheveled and the uselessness of plucking your chin hairs when you’re dying staring back at me.
I have not dealt with death much, and this was a trial by fire in the worst way. Doris had not been Doris for about 5 months, and we sat quietly talking about how she was doing with her younger sister Flo, who had come out to help her die. We had thought that every day would be her last for the past few days. My Mom got up and I went over to her chair and hugged her frail little body and told her I loved her. She looked at me, for the first time in months it was Doris, and said, “I love you too honey,” and that was the last thing she ever said to me.
I never properly grieved for her and I miss her still.
Today has been a rougher day than most in recent memory.
I keep waiting to be able to talk to Jonathan about all of this and what’s going to happen when he comes home, and how we’re going to do things. I was very frustrated today on the phone finally getting to talk to him and watching all of my hopes go down in flames. I have to remember its not about me right now, its about him when he comes home and what he wants to do. Like so many times in life its not what you plan that happens.
I need to rest. I have to be back at the restaurant at 8am for a meeting then back again at 4. My eye is twitching from lack of sleep.
4 days till Jonathan is here. Where will I go from there?
Sweet Epona, carry me on clouds to dreamland.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment