10 Ways That I’ve Changed in 10 Years

  On August 11th, sitting in the home of my boyfriend (a rare event that he has been home with me), I realized it was the 10th anniversary of departing for Scotland.  As some of you may or may not know, La Serna High was chosen to attend and perform at the American High School Theatre Festival, a hanger on to the exciting Festival Fringe in Edinburgh. I  love this beautiful, amazing city for its history, food, culture and most importantly its love of theatre. Along with 22 other students and I set out on my first voyage on to European soil.  So as an homage to many of the things I remember 10 years ago, here is a list, in no particular order, of how I am different  10 years later. 

Sadly for Prince, we never hear his song anymore. I mean, because really, were the parties any different?  You remember, Y2K?  Yes, all of that was really 10 years ago.

1) Well the obvious, I’m older.  But wiser?  My entire life perspective has changed.  I grew up in a divorced house.  I don’t remember being sheltered, I don’t think I missed anything I wanted to see or do, but I do remember being extremely innocent going into the “adult” world when I turned 18.  I remember moving into the dorms and a 90 min conversation explaining to me what a bong was and how it worked.  I knew the word, and knew it dealt with drugs, but had no idea how.

So I am more wise to the ways of the world now. Does that make be better?  More informed or less innocent/naive?

2)  My views on religion have changed.  I no longer consider myself a Christian.  I was taken to church by my Mother who thought that it was a good idea for us to have some sort of grounding while the divorce was throwing us about.  I don’t know if she ever really got anything out of it, but we went anyway.

I never felt that I belonged.  I always felt that I was on the outside of some secret knowledge that everyone else had access to, yet some how I was never invited to the cool kids table.

In my protestant upbringing I was told that there was no way other than the way we were told.  The only way to God is through Jesus, and all others are doomed to hell.  I was so intent on being part of the in crowd, I believed this.  I was filled with hate and and ugly pride.  All others who did not think like me were evil.

I think this guy had some good ideas, in as Eddie Izzard would say a relaxed and groovy type way, but even his message has been muddled through out the years. (In case you’re wondering  Dressed to Kill was in 1999 as well!)

I have come to my own conclusions now that the God that the Bible teaches us about is a much more loving God than I was lead to believe, and its the crazy Christians that take that image and throw around words like “damnation” and “hell” to scare people into loving a bearded robed father like figure in the sky who is always watching you.  Yeah.  I’m not going for that one anymore, but for those whom it works, more peace to you.

The most important thing I have learned is there are innumerable paths to God, and each person has to find their own way. Along the way, love, love when you don’t want to and love unconditionally. Yes, I will fail, yes, I will stray.  But this concept of fire and eternal blackness does not exist for me.

To be continued…